I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
