dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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