Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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