i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
