It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
