ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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