i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my liver is dry heaving
He did a backflip because drugs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
