how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
