I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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