I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
