I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
