I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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