so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
