Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
