Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
