she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
