Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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