I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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