does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my shit smells like andre
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
