Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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