i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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