I think my vagina is haunted
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
