Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
