It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
