fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
