I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
