I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You left your phone here
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