She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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