Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
