Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
