i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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