Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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