She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
