I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
