Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
