tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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