bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hippo gnu deer
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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