Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
