you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
