she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
