The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
