was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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