I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
