I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
