We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
