Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
