Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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