My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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