so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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