I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
